The Donald gets two scoops of ice cream. You get one. That’s just how it’s going to be. And for those rooting to see the real-estate mogul leave his post by hook or by crook, big scoops might be best.
But wait, where’d you get that ice cream? If it wasn’t “safely premade,” at an establishment that didn’t know Trump would later be enjoying it, it’s suspect. The president’s fear of germs and poisoning has become the rationale for a diet that is, well, poisonous in its own right. Regardless of what the doc might say, a diet that consists entirely of fast food and predominantly of McDonald’s can’t be healthy.
Michael Pollan, Eat Your Heart Out
Donald Trump has access to the finest food money can buy. He has now, for some time. You might think that achieving wealth before you reach the White House would lead to a remarkable array of sophisticated cuisine on display in the presidential digs, but not for Trump. Instead, he’s put in a special request for the kitchen staff at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. to serve items directly from the menu at Micky D’s.
On occasion, the POTUS will indulge in a safely well-done steak (I’m sorry… is this man 12 years old? Wait, of course he is). But his heart’s desire is some honest fast food. In a way, it’s comfortingly American. Like triple bypass surgery.
Initially, Trump asked the staff to replicate his favorite menu item — a quarter-pounder with cheese, extra ketchup, and no pickles — rather than bring it from a McDonald’s location. The staff, however, was unsuccessful. Trump was unhappy with the results that came from White House chef’s working with ingredients too expensive for a chain like McDonald’s to cook with.
A Presidential bodyguard was dispatched to the drive-through to fetch a meal for Trump. That might not have been the only time, either. Reports from Michael Wolff’s new book Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House claim that this happens regularly.
What’s in That Burger?
You can see how someone in an office like President of the United States might be afraid of being poisoned. Needless to say, this is an issue the Secret Service thought of long before Trump, and has managed to mitigate for past presidents. Trump’s fears, however, don’t seem driven by his high-profile political role.
Trump just thinks people want to kill him. We have to concede — on this one, the man is spot-on. He believes the attack will come in the form of food, and insists on dining at fast food restaurants because it’s an easy way to ensure the meal he gets isn’t tainted. If no one knows a meal is meant for POTUS, it’s far less likely they’ll poison him.
There are, however, some issues with his approach that make it more likely a post-hoc rationalization for a man who just loves McDonald’s. Most restaurants won’t serve the president without some form of notification — even if it’s just a motorcade of black cars outside of McDonald’s.
Everything Is a Poison
The scientifically inclined will tell you that, in the right amounts, anything is harmful. Water, for example, can be deadly if you drink too much of it all at once. Cheeseburgers might as well be powdered cyanide, and even if they don’t hill him in office, Trump’s foray into politics could end up being the death of him.
Despite a very questionable doctor’s report, an endorsement by Ben Carson and Trump’s own superfluous claims that he is as healthy and virile as a horse, Trump has added 100lbs to his already rotund frame since entering office. While the man doesn’t smoke or drink alcohol, he also doesn’t exercise, and you can’t blame him for being always stressed-out. He sleeps, on average, four hours a night.
It’s not far-fetched to think that the man’s health could become an issue during his stay at the White House.
A Comparison of Presidential Menus
If we were to ask the question of what funny eating habits presidents who came before Trump had, there are lots of good examples. George W. Bush once commented that Cheeseburger Pizza was his favorite, and Bill Clinton was famous for spending time in McDonald’s. Neither president, however, made their diet a central part of their administration in the way that Trump has.
It’s the uncomfortable reminder that our president is unstable in multiple and very strange ways. Just when we think nothing about this man could be odder, he finds ways to surprise us — and threaten national security by bringing around his own demise.
What does a fate worse than death really look like? Bring Donald Trump a dry quarter-pounder with pickles on it and you might just come to know.
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